Have. To. Change. Name. Of. This. Blog

I hate to admit it, but obviously I can't come up with 25 reasons Gerard Butler wants to meet me.

I am a really nice interesting and funny person but I was thinking about resorting to "I have a really cool vein in my hand," or "I visited Scotland once."  Both feel equally sad so THAT'S IT.  I'm just gonna do it.  Yes, it's taken me four years to care enough....

But 13 reasons seems somehow unlucky so here it is, I'm digging deep...the #1 reason Gerard Butler wants to meet me:

I have a screened in porch, with a couch that is long enough to sleep on and my kitten would probably lick his face.

Reason #12

It's finally stopped raining here.
And because of all the rain I'm thinking our vegetation might remind Mr. Butler of his green home in Scotland. I'm just hoping that our temperatures will go up and our precipitation levels will go down soon so that our climate can stop reminding me of the damn climate of Scotland.

Here's obligatory image of his handsomeness. :)

Reason #13

I will not expect Mr. Butler to reenact any of his movie roles for me in person. I may giggle a little and blush and say "Oh my gosh" like a teenager if he comes over, but I promise not to say, can you show me that sword trick from Beowulf where you cut off Grendel's arm? I have my standards.

Reason #14

I have got to be Mr. Butler's craziest fan. Not because I'm willing to throw my naked body on top of his limousine (I'm not, I hate road rash) but because given a night free of my children I am willing to pollute my senses by watching the entire Gamer movie just for the scene where he's in the hallway, tormented. And yes, I almost think the graphic violence was worth the wait; his head in his hands, tortured by being forced to kill a friend, he clearly just needed me to give him a big hug.

Don't get me wrong, I'm old but I'm not entirely against violence in a movie, I just like my violence a little less realistic. I prefer werewolves and vampires myself.

Oh, but I will say about Gamer, if you survive to the 'West Side Story Prologue/I've Got You Under My Skin' scene, that one's down right artsy; brilliant really.

Reason #15

I'm an adult returned student to college. This means I have a mature world view but I'm also imbued with a young hip attitude by being around all these young vibrant students.

Okay, that's total bullshit. Being in close proximity to all these taunt young bodies really just makes me feel alternately very old and care worn, and utterly grateful I don't have to relive being that stupid and insecure. And of course recently, I'm rather concerned about their lack of hygiene since I'd rather not bring swine flu home to my family just by taking a Environmental Conservation class.

I suppose this completely fails as a reason Mr. Butler wants to meet me, but as school has started, I'm just too overwhelmed and tired to worry about it.

Reason #16

I'm married. I get the feeling from all my intimate knowledge of Mr. Butler that he's just not ready to settle down and commit to one woman right now. So even if he met me, fell deeply in love, decided he wanted to marry me, it would be illegal.

If on the other hand, he worries about meeting new women because they might want a commitment from him he's not ready to give, no worries with me, I'm off the market. He can feel free to be himself with me without fear of 'where it might be going' or 'expectations of more.' In the vernacular, I'm safe.

Reason #17

I'm totally not a stalker. I would never spend time watching the movie premier interviews just to see my favorite actor speaking because I know how shallow and silly those momentary interactions are. Nor would I read US magazine cover to cover just for more information on the health of Brad and Angelina's marriage. I mean who would read a magazine that keeps wondering whether Kristen is going to fall for Robert or Taylor, not me! I spend my time reading meaningful deep books about a were-coyote whose best friend is a VW bus driving vampire.